Tuesday, March 2, 2010

parrot story continuation!

And so they picked me up and brought me into there large minivan, which I had bought for her with my money three years ago. She sat in the passenger seat with me as she continually stroked me and said "pretty bird". So I tried to put my mind around the words flowing from the radio. It was hard to get it down with this beautiful women stroking my feathers in a way that reminded me of life. And yet I was busy focusing my anger at this new guy. One bite for stealing my wife, one bite because I never bit that annoying clerk and one for exposing me to this horrible music. Luckily it was a short ride and when we got there they put on the news and put me close enough to hear it. I started to plot my revenge.





It all happened roughly two weeks later when she made him feed me, "Hi stupid birdy, I'm going to turn you into dinner, so eat up" he said.


"Don't mess with me" I said, a phrase that I learned from tv.


"Oh how cute" said that horrible man


"My name is talky tina, and you'd better be nice to me" I said, a phrase from Twilight Zone


"You talking to me" he asked


"Yes" I said


"Well I never knew parrots were capable of a coherent conversation" he said as a door upstairs closed and she came down. "Honey, you'll never believe it, he's intelligent!"


"Well of course he is, he's my pretty birdy!" she said as she gently stroked my feathers in the wonderful way that she does. "Does Polly want a cracker?" she asked


"Yes please" I said, I knew she knew that I would know this because she spent the time to teach it to me.


"See he's smart" she said as she gave me the cracker.


"But not like that, he was actually having a conversation" he said


"But I never taught him how to have a conversation, I'm only up to chapter 5, 'asking politely', so see, its impossible." she said


"I swear, it happened!" he said "Watch!, Who's a stupid birdy, who's a stupid-" he said taunting and goading me.


"How dare you, he's a smart birdy!" she said as she marched away


"Well I'm going to get you" he said as he put his finger towards me


"For the store clerk" I said as he walked away to lick his wound.





The next day I was told how bad it was that I bit him, "Please don't do that" she said, but it didn't matter to me, he would be gone by tonight. And so it was that the night came and I undid some loose bolts in the lock and as he walked down stairs for his bathroom break in the middle of the night I pushed the cage open and flew atop of the fan. This would be my vantage point in driving him away. He walked out of the bathroom and saw my cage empty, he called my bird name as I swooped from the fan and bit him twice more taking off pieces of his finger and spitting them away.


"For my wife and that horrible music" I said


"You-your wife?" he said nervously


"Yes you wife stealer, now leave" I said blowing myself up to twice my size, he was clearly freaked out as I then swooped at him once more and he fled as I went back to my cage and went to sleep, I think burglars will be a suitable answer to why her new husband has disappeared. She taught me to say kidnappers that day so I shall continually repeat it. Hopefully he'll be so traumatized that I attacked him that they'll never be able to get an answer from him. But I think he might play along any way. So basically, I'm awesome and crazy wife stealer is not. Enough said.

2 comments:

  1. Pretty interesting how the bird gets his way, i didnt know that it was that smart and could have such powerful conversations on the eve of just turning into a bird.Thats pretty cool, same old mike hand imagination

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