Within a truth there are only good lies
I know not where I may next choose to head
But we can all see through your sickly guise.
Upon a sea of truly deep, strange eyes
We have sat upon our big yellow bed
Within a truth there are only good lies.
Many a youngin do as they do well, cries
And all the tears they release are deep red
But we can all see through you sickly guise.
For all that is lost we find no great prize
But it is but a thinly woven thread
Within a truth there are only good lies.
There are many a great man that be wise
But one by one they shall all swiftly tread
But we can all see through your sickly guise.
And there are many man who may advise
But none of us wish to reach a last dead
Within a truth there are only good lies
But we can all see through your sickly guise.
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The rhyming is perfect and you do not miss a beat. I liked the strong vocabulary that you used in the piece and it was effective and made sense, just was not thrown in there for effect. I think that you make a good point that many truths have been made up of lies that have been built up so much that now they are real. My favorite line is "But we can all see through your sickly guise". I feel like its a really strong line and gives the villanel alot more meaning. I was a little lost in some parts like "We have sat upon our big yellow bed". Personally i was a little lost right there.
ReplyDeleteI can't say I necessarily understand this poem, but your use of huge humongoous words make it seem intellectual. I'm sure it makes perfect sense to you! Sometimes you use too many or not enough syllables, but your rhyming is very nice =]
ReplyDeletei agree with dude its a really strong poem, and dude said he was confused by the yellow bed line, i feel as though it was a little forced and that you could replace it with something more fitting but i know know what you had in mind so im not sure if there is a meaning
ReplyDeleteoverall its really good and i like it alot good job
Picture perfect peom. The title is hilarious! Outstanding job.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, Interesting title
ReplyDeletesecondly i really like this poem. To go along with your animal analogies taht you always say on mine, i think this was like a wolf that got hurt by it's pack and now is on it's own. This poem, i'm going to say is my favorite from yours.
favorite word in poem:
youngin
I really love your first line, "Within a truth there are only good lies" and I think that the way you repeated it worked really well. I am a bit confused by the title though. What does a squirrel have to do with this? But other than that, I think that it is very creative and flows very well.
ReplyDeleteMike,
ReplyDeleteI think the line "Within a truth there are only good lies" is amazing! I love the concept of the truth being made up of untruths. My main suggestion is to explore that theme in the middle lines of each stanza. I kind of agree with Michelle that I'm confused when I read the middle lines of each stanza, and I'm not sure how they connect to that theme. But this is a great theme to work with!
i just reread this poem after reading the comments and i noticed if u read just the middle lines in each stanza it sort of has its own story, idk if thats what he intended, it doesnt make to much sense but it sort of is its own story
ReplyDelete