The piles of rubbled trash
Falling from the sky
Landing in a dirty pile.
She looks on
At her lonely, earthly possesions
Knowing how the eels did it.
She knows all that once was
Is gone and believes that
What now is, is what should never be.
She sees only unfairness
In the world.
She wants to know
Why they came for her.
She truly was a good person
But alas no more-
The eels took her and the rest of the rubble
Last night.
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So bro, personally i am confused when yoiu are talking about the eels, i dont really understand hwat they have to do with your story. A line i really like is " WHat now is, is what should never be". I thought this was actually a very clever line and i liked how it sounded also. it fit into the poem well.
ReplyDeleteI like your work. However, same as dude that I don't get why you used "eel."
ReplyDeleteafter reading the poem and then reading the comments i think i klnow what he meant by the eels, it reminds me of Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope when Luke Han Leia and Chewy are in the garbage disposal and Luke gets pulled under water by what is seemingly an eel. I feel like the picture might have portrayed to Mike that scene in starwars so he wrote about the eel.
ReplyDeleteOther than that i really liked the poem and i agree with Dude in that the line "what now is, is what should never be." i really like that line and i agree it really fit into the poem
"What now is, is what should never be." I like that line alot. Really shows how whatever happened, the person feels cheated and depressed.
ReplyDeleteNow i don't know what eels is supposed to be a metaphor for, maybe it means like a fire, or an earthquake, or aliens from the ice/asteroid/plant mix quoar... Or maybe just big fish, I don't know but either way you get the depressed feeling of lose that this girl is feeling because of whatever happened
Hello Michael Hand.
ReplyDeleteI too am quite confused about why you would use "eels" throughout the poem. I:m not certain if you are talking about legitimate eels, or if it is supposed to be a symbol for something else. If it was a symbol, you should have said "narwhals," just saying. I like how you describe her earthly possessions as "lonely." It gives me the image that they are not belonging to her any longer, that they have been detached from her, in this case burned in a fire, or something like that... you know what I mean. I like the point you are trying to make , that sometimes even when there is no reason, unfortunate things happen to good people who don't deserve it. You're purpose is clear by the end, but I feel the whole "eels" thing throws the reader off in the beginning because they think they're reading about some under sea adventure...or are they...
Dear, Mike
ReplyDeleteYour poem reminds me of the movie, Snakes on A Plane. I feel that it sort of wan't necessary to mention about the eels because first
Dont they only survive in water? - How could they be able to control mankind if so?
- Secondly, I felt it sort of makes the reader confused because their first impression of the ruins is because of a natural disaster or even an accident, not fish trying to take over the world.
However, I do like the creativity.
Hey! I really like how you told the story of a girl and what happened. But I agree with dude, Taiju and Kara when they say that they're confused about the eels. I dont understand where the eels fit into the poem. My favorite lines of your poem are, "She knows all that once was is gone and believes that what now is, is what should never be" because those lines fit together like glue and paper, and also it flows well with the rest of the poem. Great job! :)
ReplyDeleteNice poem! I'll admit, I was a little confused by the whole "eel" idea and what was happening, as said before. Nevertheless, you created a little story and ended it vrey well. The abrupt "alas no more" had a good touch to what I thought was a good thought-provoking and sad ending.
ReplyDelete